Relationships & Friendships: Emotionally, They Are Indeed Similar (Throwback Thursday)

As life continues on, we [hopefully] mature, our priorities change, and we meet and establish new friendships as well as watch some deteriorate. For many of us, we also find ourselves searching for love or have established it, but in return was given a broken heart. You may have found or find yourself putting so much effort into making the relationship work because you feel like you’ve invested so much of your time and no one else deserves that person in your mind. You continuously have thoughts about the great moments you had with that person and how well you both connected, learned each others likes/dislikes, and even fought, but at the end of the day you two were there for each other. If you really sit and think about it, some of those same moments you find yourself experiencing in a relationship, you experience in a friendship as well.

It is certain that change is inevitable, but in my opinion there are some things that don’t necessarily have to change. They can evolve. A good friend of mines said, “Some things you can’t control in life, but control the things you can.” I most certainly agree with this quote! I believe it applies to both friendships and relationships. Let me provide you with a few examples.

At the beginning of many friendships and relationships, you may find yourself on the phone with the person a lot, making time to see one another, having fun doing absolutely “nothing,” learning about one another and expressing your every emotion to the person. As the months or years go by, you experience several events that you couldn’t have handled on your own [the friend or boyfriend/girlfriend was there for support], and when it was the other way around you did the same. At this point, you’re thinking this is “forever” and I can trust this person.

Then there comes a moment when you find yourself constantly texting and/or calling the person, no reply. In your time of need, they are nowhere to be found, BUT as soon as something “horrible” happens in their life you’re there for them at any time of the day/night. You observe how you guys no longer go out or do the same things as before and when you do, things just aren’t the same. The conversations have long and uncomfortable pauses, both of you are on your phone the entire time and an array of other things.

You begin to think to yourself, “I know I’m not the only one who knows things are changing.” So you bring it to the person’s attention. You both then agree that in order for things to go back to the way they were or to get better, you both needed to make an effort. At the end of the day, you find yourself making all the phone calls, sending all the texts and always finding ways to spend time with the person.
It is true, as we grow things change in our lives and our relationships with people also change. You may not have enough time to go out like you used to, or talk on the phone as much, but there are ways of allowing relationships to evolve into something that works for both people and not let unnecessary changes occur. It is a shame when you text or call the person and don’t get an answer, but as soon as you log on to Facebook or twitter you see their status changes are done from their mobile phone.

Now for some people, it’s easy for them to get the picture and to just simply “cut” the person off. But for others, they continue to think about the good times and don’t want to let go because of the things they experienced with the person. You become tired emotionally in either a friendship or relationship when you’re always wondering will things go back to normal.

There are signs and actions that these people give us that clearly shows us that keeping a healthy friendship or relationship is the last thing they are thinking about. We have to learn how to re-evaluate situations and really think about are we hurting while this person is out “doing them?” Are you being a better friend, girlfriend/boyfriend than they are being? Ask yourself these questions and more.

It comes to a point where we have to understand that some relationships and friendships were formed specifically at a time in our lives for us to grow and have the person there in that time period. It’s easier said than done, but if you’re constantly trying to make a friendship/relationship work and there has been no changes or more importantly progress, it’s not worth your time. Sometimes it takes for you to actually let go, or to not care for the person to truly realize your worth and come to YOU. Once you realize your worth first, that same person will realize it as well in the future and the next person after that. Stop running around trying to catch your tail, it’s behind you for a reason. You may find yourself getting close to catching it, but it is very rare that you will. On a dog, he is able to see and depend on his limbs, nose, eyes, etc. But his tail is behind him. He knows it’s their and may pay it some attention from time to time, but there is so much in front of him and beside him that he doesn’t focus on what’s behind him. Look at what’s in front of you and whose beside you. What’s behind you will always be BEHIND you if you let it stay there instead of chasing after it.

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Trial and Error: At What Point Does Taking Risks Become a Sign of Crazy? (Throwback Thursday)

A lot of us have gone through a series of relationships where the outcome has either been good or bad. We are told that relationships have ups and downs, and in order for your relationship to be strong it has to withstand the hard times. For many people, they’ve heard this speech non-stop in each relationship they have ever been in. I call this, trial and error. We break down walls, do things we said we’d never do, and accept a lot of flaws out of the person we are in the relationship with for many trials. At some point the relationship hits a bump; an error.

It is true, no real relationship is strong without experiencing struggle, but at what point are we considered crazy for remaining in a relationship hoping for a different outcome? Many people describe the definition of crazy as the act of repeating something over and over expecting a different result. Although there has been no thorough research to prove this definition true, it makes perfect sense when thinking about relationships.

When are we labeled crazy for trying over and over again to make a relationship work? When are we labeled crazy for going back to a person that we say makes us endure pain or hurt that we never thought we’d experience? When is it smart to say, “ok, this relationship wasn’t meant to be?”

As a female, I can honestly say that we are extremely emotional. If it hasn’t been proven scientifically, it’s a known fact among us; PERIOD! So when it comes to letting go of the person who we have given our all to and fell in love with, it’s almost impossible. To avoid letting the person go, we use the excuse of taking a risk and trying the relationship again. It’s easier said than done, but at the end of the day you HAVE to let him go. There comes a point when you realize that going back isn’t giving you any positive results.

In relationships, both partners have to except the person and their inequalities (flaws). Some things a person just can’t change, it’s who they are and you learn to love those things that used to annoy you. If you’re in a relationship that progresses each time you get back together, in my opinion you’re not crazy! That’s what I can say is good sign of trial and error. I compare that to a child learning to shoot a basketball. They may be horrible at it in the beginning, but the more they try, the better they get and they eventually get the ball in the hoop. Afterward that child grows to learn more about basketball, tries harder to learn other shots and tricks, and usually gets the ball in the hoop each time they try. On some occasions they may have a bad day or game and miss a few shots, but they get it together the next time.

On the other hand, you have those who get back in relationships where they face the same problems each time they go back to the person. They hope to fix the problem or even change the person each time, but it doesn’t work. They are, I say, “repeating an act, hoping to get a different result” when they know what the ending result will be… a FAILED relationship.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making changes to better your relationship or even experiencing pain or hurt that you would have never thought you would feel in a million years, but the relationship needs to be worth the fight and worth the changes you make.  I compare this form of trial and error to the “crazy” child who knows that no matter how many times they touch the stove they will be burned. The child continues to touch the burner believing that eventually they wont feel the pain any longer. The pain doesn’t alleviate, it only leaves the child in pain and with a permanent scar.

Let’s get pass coming home to a relationship that we know isn’t going to get any better. There is an old saying, “If it’s meant to be, then it WILL be.” You have to believe in that and yourself. Don’t let yourself go “crazy” while the other person is enjoying watching you try to run away while they have you on a leash. They know that you can’t and wont go anywhere.

 

Encourage Yourself (Throwback Thursday)

       What I have observed in people today is lack of self encouragement. We look to others to make us feel good about ourselves and inspired when what we really need to do is look for inspiration in ourselves. Each and every person has a story. Somewhere in that story is where strength stems from and is why you can use your own life and your own story to encourage yourself to get out of the bed with joy and to go on with your day. If you’re already doubting yourself at the start of your day, or every day, it’s going to be extremely difficult for others to believe in you. If you can’t believe in yourself, what makes you think other people can believe in you. Believe in yourself first, and others will follow. ENCOURAGE YOURSELF. It is possible.

     From personal experience, it’s exhausting trying to encourage someone who depends on that encouragement every second of the day. YES it’s a good deed, but it’s also kind of selfish. We should be able to help ourselves at some point.

     Yes, the people who surround us in the media or in our everyday lives can and do inspire/encourage us, but what’s wrong with using YOUR experiences, YOUR success, YOUR beauty, and more to encourage yourself? Each of those people have experienced their own struggles and are “encouraged” to continue on with life because of their struggles. So encourage yourself with your OWN struggles to continue on with your life.

     Life always throws us bowling balls, unexpectedly and at full speed, but it builds character. Your personal character. Whether it is a struggle with illness, family, friends, relationships, work, school or yourself, it is very much possible to take a moment and encourage yourself. I guarantee you if the people surrounding you see your “self-encouragement,” it will encourage them. It will “encourage” them to encourage you more and to do the same for themselves.

     I believe it starts with taking that step with ourselves first. Encourage yourself first, and the results of spreading encouragement will take place like a domino effect. Person after person will begin to do the same…