Tired Of Being On Layaway

I was talking to my cousin the other day about some personal life choices she planned on making. She expressed how she finally knew her worth and intended on treating herself better when it came to relationships and more. She said,

“I’m tired of being on layaway and putting people on layaway. Where people can hold onto me, put in occasional deposits and then walk away until they’re ready to make another deposit.”

That statement hit me like ton of bricks. It was so powerful. It was so true. True on so many levels.  I added by saying,

“The thing with layaway is that you have the choice to stop making deposits and leave it at the store. However, you won’t get your money back from the store. You will never get back the time and emotion you’ve used dealing with people.”

When I finished talking to her, our conversation continued to replay in my head.  I then began to think about how putting things on layaway and being put on layaway is not only true when it comes to relationships. I thought about situations where I occasionally put a deposit into it, but never fully committed. Goals, ideas, self-care, activities with my children, my husband… ME.

I can’t even begin to list the countless goals that I’ve set, only to make small deposits and then walk away. One being a healthier lifestyle. I continue to be inconsistent with my diet and working out. I’ll do great for a week or two and then fall off. I have a long list of things on my “to-do list” with my husband that I haven’t committed to as well. Of course, it takes two to get the job done in marriage, but I know my husband. If I don’t follow through, most likely he will forget. I’ll spend all month (or two) that he’s gone, making plans, getting them in order, and then once he gets home all I want to do is sleep and relax in the house. I know for a fact it’s because I finally get a break with the kids, and I actually sleep when he’s home. The thing is, once he leaves for work again, it’ll be a while before I get that time with him again. My time to experience life outside the house with him expired because I didn’t follow through.

With layaway, not only do you have the choice to stop paying on your items, but the store can also take back the items because you stopped making your deposits. Your time to get those things have expired. Opportunities expire every moment we choose not to take action. You don’t always get the choice to jump back on board with something or someone when you feel like it. It’ll be gone when you get back to it.

How many friends have you neglected, and now the friendship no longer exists? Kept dropping in only to ask for something. How many times have you given that guy a chance, had sex with him over and over again KNOWING he wasn’t the one? You’ll never get your time back. You deposited an unnecessary amount of emotions and your body into someone who decided a long time ago that they no longer wanted you. Layaway smh…

I gave myself the example of house shopping. Try putting a house on layaway or not acting on it as soon as you see it. Before you know it, it’s under contract and sold to another buyer. If it’s something at a store you know you truly desire, you would never put it on hold or in layaway. You’d purchase it right away so that you won’t miss the opportunity to have it in the future. You’re anxious to have it and can’t wait to walk out of the store with it. You don’t want anyone else to have the opportunity to have the thing you wanted so bad.

Of course there are times where you may not be in a position to grab ahold of your desire. But if you really want it, you’ll make an effort to save up and prepare for your purchase. You put it on your vision board and remind yourself daily what you’re working toward. That’s how we oughta view our goals and relationships. Maybe you want a certain job but need more experience or a higher degree. Well, if you really want it, you’re gonna do everything in your power to get that position. If there’s a girl or guy you want to be in a relationship with, and you’re not quite ready, you don’t just sit around and not work on yourself. You constantly take strides in order to be the man or woman you need to be for that person.

Just like items and opportunities, we have an expiration date on our lives; most of us don’t know when that is. Don’t let another day go past where you don’t fully commit to your goals, or continue to let someone make occasional deposits into your life. Don’t die only having made deposits into your goals or people you care about. Fully commit!

I’m already working on it. 🙂


Am I Smart Enough to Homeschool My Child?

Earlier this year, my husband and I became more serious about moving to another state. The cost of living is way too expensive where we live, and my husband’s trucking career has grown to be a pain while living here. We couldn’t find a suitable parking space for his truck without having to pay a fee each night, get a parking citation, get towed, drive an hour and a half to and from a good truck stop, or settle for having his truck vandalized/broken into. I work from home, so the move wouldn’t hinder me. However; my fear of putting my child in a new school system grew.

I’m a planner. I am not the kind of person who moves away from my comfort zone, and then figure out where my child will attend school. I go crazy with my research and then like to visit the school(s) being considered. That process is super hard when you are considering multiple places to move to. It also becomes super expensive to travel and visit the school(s) in consideration. I began to feel like my apprehension about where our daughter would attend school was holding us back from being able to take the huge step of moving and getting a fresh start. That’s when the option of homeschooling came to mind.

Homeschooling wasn’t an option before because I knew nothing about it. The closest I came to being homeschooled was when I was out of school for a few months in elementary school with two broken wrists (fell off the monkey bars). I couldn’t remember meeting anyone who’d ever been homeschooled until I thought hard about it and remembered my husband was actually homeschooled for a short period of time. When I brought homeschooling up as an option, he immediately jumped on board. What was once an idea, became our reality.

I considered backing out a few times for different reasons. One being I didn’t understand how my daughter(s) would have social encounters with children their age. After more research, that thought was wiped out. Secondly, I didn’t know if I could handle being around my daughter 24/7. Read my post I love my daughter but… to see why. Lastly, and most recently, I wondered if I was smart enough to educate my daughter.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m confident that I am an intelligent woman. When I was in school, I maintained well above a 3.0 gpa, was on the honor roll nonstop, received countless awards, was a member of the National Honor Society, graduated from Penn State University with a major and minor (finished 7 months pregnant) and more. I excel when it comes to education overall, but when it comes to certain subjects, I struggle. I began to think about all of the subjects I’m great at, the ones that I can be great at, and those that I suck at. The biggest pain being math. Math never came easy to me, but once I understood it I was good to go. In school, I was able to get an A on an English exam that required me to write a one-page essay on a book I hadn’t read by simply looking at the way the question was formed. I graduated with a degree in print journalism and am the owner of my own editing and proofreading business (Queen Scribe Editing & Consulting). Math on the other hand— it intimidates me. My husband is the opposite of me and can calculate problems in his mind within seconds. Our oldest daughter shows signs of being advanced in both reading and math. Uggh. Numbers can be so intimidating.

The thought of my daughter surpassing my math skills frightened me. How would I teach her if she moved faster than I did? How would I teach her math courses that I’ve never learned? Statisitcs? Calculus? Would I have to enroll her back in school? Would my husband be able to teacher from the inside of his truck 1,000 miles away? I brought my insecurities to him and a solution I came up with. When we move on to math courses I know nothing about, I will purchase the math curriculum for it. This year I researched what the core curriculum was for reading and math, and created my own curriculum based on that information. I knew that there were workbooks and free online resources that I could use to help me. When math becomes a struggle, I’ll just purchase a curriculum.

If you’ve been following my blog, then you know my husband whipped me into shape QUICK! He empathized with me. He understood my concern. He disagreed with me though. He said, “Use that as your motivation to learn as she learns.” He continued, “You don’t know everything there is to know about science, but you’ll still be able to teach her, right?” He was right. I don’t know much about lizards, but it’s one of the animals we’ll be learning about. It’s a little overwhelming, but that’s where the excitement of homeschooling comes in. Not only do I get to teach my daughter, but we will have many opportunities to learn together. There will also be moments where she will be able to teach me something. That doesn’t mean I’m inadequate and unable to educate my daughter.

My husband reminded me that our child is the smart little girl she is today because of me. He said, “Yes, I help out a great deal when it comes to our children, but you do the bulk of the work.” He continued,

“You taught our daughter before she entered daycare and the school system. At the age of one our daughter knew her ABC’s, numbers through 10, sign language, shapes, colors, and spoke using small sentences. You did that, not me!”

I love him so much. He reminded me that I didn’t know American Sign Language when I taught our daughter. I taught myself, and would teach her afterwards. I was also reminded that with the right support system, homeschooling my children will be a success. Yes; there will be times when my daughter and I bump heads. Yes; there will be moments where I have to take a course or two and have late nights studying a subject before teaching my daughter. This is the road I have chosen, and I don’t see myself turning back. I am smart enough to homeschool my child.

I reached out to my friend who is a mathematics genius, educator and business owner. Cherre Jefferson holds a degree in Mathematics from Morgan State University. She is the owner of Self Is S.T.E.A.M. where she provides math tutoring (group and individual), math curriculum consulting and customized math lesson plans. She’s also a math teacher in the Baltimore public school system. When I reached out, she delivered. During our meeting, she actually gave me a mini tutoring session to help me with ways to teach the different math courses. I left feeling confident and with a game plan. Her rates are excellent, and her knowledge is outstanding. Please follow her Instagram page @self_is_s.t.e.a.m._ and visit her booking site at selfissteam.setmore.com/.

Gurley Academy officially begins September 10, 2018!! Pray for us.